Chapter Two: Cat Birthdays

Out of the blue, or perhaps it was green, Patchtricia said, “Do we have a birthday?”

“I suppose so,” said Pawline, licking her paw, “but why do you ask?”

“Yesterday our furless servants, Meugh and Mewreen went off to see Meugh’s brother and they celebrated Meugh’s, his brothers and Mewreen’s birthday, all except his brother’s wife Neighdine. Furthermore, I see birthday celebrations on TV. We’ve been around quite a while now but we’ve never celebrated our birthday. Why not?”

“Good point,” said Lamont, “perhaps this is some form of cat discrimination. We need to delve into this further.”

Paw wiggled around on her back and said, “Yes we should, but does anyone have a clue as to when our birthday is?”

Lamont assumed his teaching position atop the step thing and looked down upon his sisters and began his inevitable lecture. “Well sisters. Using the power of logic and dialectical reasoning I believe we might be able to deduce our birth day if we put our minds to it. First, we exist, ergo we were born and have a birthday.

“I remember we used to lived in the back wall of the building next to our Shackteau, the one they just tore down, with our mother before she was flattened on the highway. Then one day in May I believe, Patch stuck her wee head out of the grass and spotted Mewreen and made a small mew to get her attention. This I believe was before our mother was flattened.”

“I remember that,” said Patch. “I believe that was in May of last year.”

“Indeed,” remarked Lamont. “Not long after our mother was flattened…”

“I wish you would quit saying that,” grumbling Paw.

“It is merely part of the data of our life,” continued Lamont, “and pertinent to the subject at hand. At any rate, we could catch a few edible things, but we were getting hungry and began appearing more often to the furless ones. Mewreen at that point started leaving out some food in a dish for us. Pretty good stuff.

“This food leaving became a regular thing. Then as the weather began to get cooler Meugh made a small abode out of a plastic tub with a rug door for us to stay in to keep warm. They even put some soft stuff in it for us to lay on.”

“I remember that,” said Paw. “It was rather comfy as we snuggled up together in it.”

“Then,” continued Lamont. “It got a bit colder and they put a heated pad in it which really kept us toasty warm. Then he expanded our living area by put a plastic cover over the patio table in which he placed the tub house.”

“Oh yes,” said, Patch, “It was very nice. Perhaps too nice as a possum snuck into it, and ate our food. Then one day Meugh stuck his head into the shelter when the possum was in it and the Possum left in a hurry. A great hurry, in fact, he made a exit where there was no exit.”

“Yeah,” said Paw falling on her side, “he sure took off. But then the biggest cat I ever saw came into the den one day. He scared you so badly Patch, you stood quaking atop a chair on top of the table.”

“Of course,” replied Patch. “I’m no dumby, that huge cat could have killed the lot of us. Ooo.”

“Back to the subject at hand if you please sisters,” said Lamont, “Somewhere in January our human servants left for almost a month. That nice lady next door continued to bring us food and water. Oh yes they had gotten us a heated water bowl by then.

“But our furless ones returned at the end of January, it was very cold and they saw that treacherous cat and before long Meugh caught us, first me and Patch and the next day you, Paw. He put us in the nice warm and comfy Schackteau, where we have lived ever since. That is, except for the few escapes you made Paw. Why you did that is beyond me.

“All of this leads me to believe that they day of our birth was early May or perhaps April. As to our exact birthday dear sister, I’m afraid we will never know.”

After a length pause, Patch said, “Que sera, sera. Okay, so we will never know. But perhaps we can just celebrate birthdays whenever we want and however often we want.”

“Good thought,” replied Lamont. “As a matter of fact, perhaps that is why the furless servants give us that wonderful catnip from time to time. Birthday celebrations galore. Who needs cake, I much prefer gourmet dinners and catnip.”

Block Catnip party?

And with that all three cats lay down in the respective places, began to purr and soon fell asleep.