You Are Who You Meet

We’ve heard the saying, “You are what you eat?” In this article I want to spin that a bit. Often I’ve heard young people and older people who are looking for serious dating material complain, “I never meet any really good guys/gals.” Then I’m inclined to ask, “Where are you looking?” This can evoke a blank stare but often they will say “bars.” Duh! Now you can meet fine good guys and gals in bars but essentially they are noisy places where conversation is difficult and superficial evaluations are more the norm: “Look at that babe!” or “What a hunk!” Now some bars have dim lights and intimate booths that are condusive to more in depth and meaningful conversations, unless that is, you drink so much you don’t remember what your partner said the next day.

So, here is my twist “You are who you meet.” Or perhaps “You are who you are around.” If you want to be positive hang out with positive people rather grumpy ones. If get something done be with problem solvers and doers rather than whiners and no doers. You will be more optimistic if you are with optimistic folk and pessimistic if you are with pessimists. If you want to engage in meaningful conversation with some depth be with thoughtful folk rather than “Go big red!” chanters. Well, you get the idea. Be with folk that are like the person you want to be.

A quick note but an important one; the folk you are with the most and have the most influence over you is your family. If you in a happy family you’ll likely be happy and visa versa. The biggest indicator of having a happy marriage is if you parents are happily married. But can’t control who are family is.

Now comes the question where do you find such folk. A bar might work but there might be better alternatives. As a pastor I’m bound to say, “Try church”; some churches even have singles groups to promote relationships. How about taking a class in something that interests you; you might find someone with similar interests. Here’s a good one, find a volunteer organization that does things for others. Folk there just might be more likely to be looking for a relationship with the idea more than “what is in this for me?”

The point is there are lots of really good places to look for folk that are good dating material. There are lots of places to find folk that you just want to have as friends and be with. Me, I found my spouse in church and I hang with church folk, canasta players/game players, coffee houses (not enough), family (I’m lucky there), sailors, readers, bloggers, and golfers among others. As a matter of fact I find neat folk all over the place, you just have to look. Facebook or twitter, forget about it; how can you have a meaningful dialogue in 240 words with some anonymous dudes or dudesess that may be an axe murderers. However, I have nothing against science and reputable Internet dating services.

You are who you meet.