I just read 25 articles on laughter on the
Psychology today blog and never laughed once. I was tempted when I learned that
Charlie Sheen tried to do a standup comedy routine and was booed off the stage;
but that’s a bit sick. Three of the articles gave Chris Rock PhD levels of
comedy along with Seinfeld, neither of which seem very funny to me. I read “funny”
complaint letters to see if they were effective; nope, no laughter from me, not
even a smile.
Here comes some jokes:
Humor as Medicine: 20 Quotations about Health
Humorous
thoughts on living with illness.
I've been collecting humorous
quotations about health for a while. Now that I have 20, I thought I'd share. I
hope a good number of these tickle your funny bone.
The Search for Perfect Health
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a
misprint." —Mark Twain
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the
preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston
Churchill
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran
Lebowitz
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
Not to Worry
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a
question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away."
—Robert Orben
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to
know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch
with it." —Lily Tomlin
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
The Medical Profession
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians."
—Alexander the Great
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do
practice?" —George Carlin
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
—Erma Bombeck
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
Longevity
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken
better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things
that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to
my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton
Berle
"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking
five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the
hell she is." —Ellen DeGeneres
And Finally...
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"If your doctor's last name is Google, It's time to get a
second opinion." —your authoress
Did you laugh at any of these? Many made me
smile but I didn’t laugh. I suspect however, that if they were told to me, I
would be laughing at most of them. And if Charlie Sheen told them I might laugh
at him as he fell on his ass.
I find I can make Doreen (wife) laugh at any
time; all I have to do is hurt myself and she will have hysterically. She is a
sick woman.
I find that when some people realize I am a
minister they will tell racist, sexist, dirty jokes and watch for my response.
Why is that? Are they looking for validation? One fella apologized for
offensive language while we were golfing and I told him, “I didn’t give a shit.”
And he was offended. He reminded me of the drunken patron of a bar I was
sitting with in a tavern while I was in college and when he found out I was
intending to go into the ministry he was highly offended that I was drinking
beer with him and threatened to throw me through a plate glass window. Odd.
Writing about humor is rather boring. I
guess I’ll just go into the house, trip over my feet in front of Doreen and
listen to her laugh.
Nothing wrong with humor-it serves a purpose
ReplyDelete(besides keeping us light-hearted). I was the designated note-keeper in a management meeting one time (most managers cannot keep notes and write up a cogent memo within an hour, but that
was my unfortunate knack). To the horror of the
assemblage, the plant manager and his assembly
manager got into a heated argument. It spiraled
into redfaced profanity; they stood up and began
shoving with threats of harm. I finally spoke up, "guys, you OK with me putting down that the topic was throroughly discussed?"
I am a kindred spirit when it comes to note taking. I always like to spice up the minutes with a bit of drama and sidetakes when call upon to take minutes at religious gatherings. Some liked it, some fired me. The same was true in seminary when I livened my written tests with nicknames for famous theologians and wrote in an odd way. I had taught school and figured it might help brighten the day of a professor who had to read all those papers. Some did, some didn't.
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