Royal Cats

[The following remarks are from Lamont’s private journal and reproduced here for our readers.]

We cats are psychic you know. It should be obvious to all human servants but it isn’t. Do they ever wonder why we can all show up on a moments notice if a bit of catnip arrives and only one of us is there and moments later we all are enjoying these wonderments? We can easily read human minds, which should be equally obvious. Don’t they ever notice that we can walk closely enough in front of them to practically make them stumble but if they dare but try to kick us out of the way we are never there and they are more likely to fall on their huge hinnies?

In my own particular case I also have the ability to manipulate human minds. As some of you know my full name is Lamont Cranston, and in the comic book world my secret hero identity is “The Shadow.” And, for the extremely well edified even Lamont Cranston is my nom de plume for Kent Ballard. I was a well-known aviator who was a part of the French Air Force during WWI with another alias, “The Black Eagle.” If you are fully confused at this point I, when incarnated as Kent Allard merely assumed the identity of a young bon vivant Lamont Cranston when young Cranston was traveling about the world. I have also been known as Henry Arnaud and Isaac Twambley.

  

But I digress. I merely point out the above information to show the reader of my facile ways of dealing with people and my ability to manipulate them according to my will. Such is the case in these Cat Stories, that my human servant, Meugh (or Hugh as other human critters know him.) I tell the stories to Meugh via my psychic abilities and he merely pens them on his computer. Despite his lack of expertise as a typist as evidenced by his many typos, he serves his purpose. I enjoy sharing my and my sister’s exploits in our household and trust that others have been edified by our adventures and interesting personalities and thoughts. This is all done for the greater good of interspecies relationships.

However, I have learned that Meugh besides sending this stories to his friends he also has published them as an ebook, "Cat Tales", and is expecting what he calls “royalties” from this publication.

This appears to be a great wrong to me. If anyone is royal in our household it is my sisters and I. Meugh and his wife Mewreen are merely our domestic servants, not royals in any sense at all. It is a matter of justice and clarity to show that my sisters and I are the royals and all should know this. We must clarify these mistaken concepts when they occur.

Excuse me for a minute sister Patchtricia is trying to get my attention.

What? Really? Is that true?

Excuse me dear journal, it appears that I have made a small mistake in this monograph. It turns out that the “royalties” in question are not marks of status or social class; they are mere crass remuneration for written material, in this case by some Amazons. I’m not sure why strong warrior women in Asia Minor want to give Meugh money for my stories but so be it.

Nevermind.