Tax Sex Appeal

The government is always looking for ways of raising revenue but don’t like the word tax; fees seems to appeal to more folk.

On TV we use sex appeal to sell everything from lingerie to soap, to farm tractors. Sex sells. Every talk show has some expert with an idea of how to make you look younger, less wrinkly, have a better complexion or how to make you look sexier. I wonder if there is been a poll on what percentage of jokes is about sex? If there was a teenage boy poll (or their adult equivalents) poll the answer would be easy, 100%.

Martin Sullivan goes back to Jonathan Swift for this idea. Swift is the fella who wrote Gulliver’s Travels in case you forgot and his times among the Lilliputians (the wee people) and the Brodgingnagians (giants, bet you forgot their names.) At any rate, Sullivan points out that in Chapter 6 of book 3 Swift suggests that we tax individual on the sex appeal and good looks according to how folk see themselves. Here’s the whole bit from Gulliver’s Travels:

I heard a very warm debate between two professors, about the most commodious and effectual ways and means of raising money, without grieving the subject. The first affirmed, "the justest method would be, to lay a certain tax upon vices and folly; and the sum fixed upon every man to be rated, after the fairest manner, by a jury of his neighbours." The second was of an opinion directly contrary; "to tax those qualities of body and mind, for which men chiefly value themselves; the rate to be more or less, according to the degrees of excelling; the decision whereof should be left entirely to their own breast." The highest tax was upon men who are the greatest favourites of the other sex, and the assessments, according to the number and nature of the favours they have received; for which, they are allowed to be their own vouchers. Wit, valour, and politeness, were likewise proposed to be largely taxed, and collected in the same manner, by every person's giving his own word for the quantum of what he possessed. But as to honour, justice, wisdom, and learning, they should not be taxed at all; because they are qualifications of so singular a kind, that no man will either allow them in his neighbour or value them in himself.

The women were proposed to be taxed according to their beauty and skill in dressing, wherein they had the same privilege with the men, to be determined by their own judgment. But constancy, chastity, good sense, and good nature, were not rated, because they would not bear the charge of collecting.

What an excellent idea. Can you imagine anyone not wanting to pay such a tax?

“Vanity vanity all is vanity.” Says the preacher or Quohelth or perhaps you know him better as the author of Ecclesiastes. 1.2 We may talk about low self-esteem, and complain about cellulite and bags under our eyes or the ravages of age, but deep down inside we know there lurks a smashingly good looking guy or gal that may just be camouflaged for the moment.

“Let me pay this tax.”

“That fine, but I surely must have to pay more than you.”

“I’ll see your tax and raise it by 50%.”

Republicans would vie with Democrats to demand that they should pay the highest tax and visa versa.

CEO’s would demand that it be written into their contracts that they must pay the highest tax of all they oversee.

Wall Street would preen and demand a higher tax for themselves.

The debt would be wiped out in seconds, and all social programs would immediately be fully funded as facelifts required for all indigent people who then would be hired for their beauty and taxed thus accordingly. A much better idea than making them pee in a cup.

Congress might even tax themselves right out of office. Even Boehner would up his own tax picking the right photo op.