The government is always looking for ways of raising revenue but
don’t like the word tax; fees seems to appeal to more folk.
On TV we use sex appeal to sell everything from lingerie to soap,
to farm tractors. Sex sells. Every talk show has some expert with an idea of
how to make you look younger, less wrinkly, have a better complexion or how to
make you look sexier. I wonder if there is been a poll on what percentage of
jokes is about sex? If there was a teenage boy poll (or their adult equivalents)
poll the answer would be easy, 100%.
Martin Sullivan goes back to Jonathan Swift for this idea. Swift is
the fella who wrote Gulliver’s Travels
in case you forgot and his times among the Lilliputians (the wee people) and
the Brodgingnagians (giants, bet you forgot their names.) At any rate, Sullivan
points out that in Chapter 6 of book 3 Swift suggests that we tax individual on the sex appeal and good
looks according to how folk see themselves. Here’s the whole bit from
Gulliver’s Travels:
I heard a very warm debate between two professors, about the most
commodious and effectual ways and means of raising money, without grieving the
subject. The first affirmed, "the justest method would be, to lay a
certain tax upon vices and folly; and the sum fixed upon every man to be rated,
after the fairest manner, by a jury of his neighbours." The second was of
an opinion directly contrary; "to tax those qualities of body and mind,
for which men chiefly value themselves; the rate to be more or less, according
to the degrees of excelling; the decision whereof should be left entirely to
their own breast." The highest tax was upon men who are the greatest
favourites of the other sex, and the assessments, according to the number and
nature of the favours they have received; for which, they are allowed to be
their own vouchers. Wit, valour, and politeness, were likewise proposed to be
largely taxed, and collected in the same manner, by every person's giving his
own word for the quantum of what he possessed. But as to honour, justice,
wisdom, and learning, they should not be taxed at all; because they are
qualifications of so singular a kind, that no man will either allow them in his
neighbour or value them in himself.
The women were proposed to be taxed according to their beauty and
skill in dressing, wherein they had the same privilege with the men, to be
determined by their own judgment. But constancy, chastity, good sense, and good
nature, were not rated, because they would not bear the charge of collecting.
What an excellent idea. Can you imagine anyone not wanting to pay
such a tax?
“Vanity vanity all is vanity.” Says the preacher or Quohelth or
perhaps you know him better as the author of Ecclesiastes. 1.2 We may talk
about low self-esteem, and complain about cellulite and bags under our eyes or
the ravages of age, but deep down inside we know there lurks a smashingly good
looking guy or gal that may just be camouflaged for the moment.
“Let me pay this tax.”
“That fine, but I surely must have to pay more than you.”
“I’ll see your tax and raise it by 50%.”
Republicans would vie with Democrats to demand that they should pay
the highest tax and visa versa.
CEO’s would demand that it be written into their contracts that
they must pay the highest tax of all they oversee.
Wall Street would preen and demand a higher tax for themselves.
The debt would be wiped out in seconds, and all social programs
would immediately be fully funded as facelifts required for all indigent people
who then would be hired for their beauty and taxed thus accordingly. A much
better idea than making them pee in a cup.
Congress might even tax themselves right out of office. Even
Boehner would up his own tax picking the right photo op.
Given the latest photo on my drivers license,
ReplyDeletea tax on sex appeal should give me a big refund. :)