A New Species Discovered?

“We have gotten pretty familiar with the human species by now,” spoke Lamont as he lay on the top rung of the step thingy with his head rolled over to look down on his sisters. “We understand their languages and watch TV and listen to the radio to keep up on human events. And in previous incarnations I have been a library cat and read voraciously. As a matter of fact, I consider myself quite an expert on the furless servant beings by now.”

“You would,” replied Pawline, “but why are you telling us this? We all know quite a lot about these creatures.”

“Well,” continuing Lamont pulling himself up on his haunches, “I think I may have discovered a new species that bears a remarkable similarity to the furless ones, and yet seems very different.”

“How so,” asked Patchtricia?

“Because I cannot understand a word this creature is saying even though she uses the same words as other furless beings.”

“I don’t understand,” said Paw.

“Well I was watching the news the other day and the newsman, Matt Lauer asked her, ‘What are we hearing from the Tea Party in terms of absolute, realistic plan that can be an alternative to Obamacare?’ Then this creature, who I believe is called a Pallin, replied and I quote, “The plan is to allow those things that had been proposed over many years to reform a health-care system in America that certainly does need more help so that there's more competition, there's less tort reform threat, there's less trajectory of the cost increases, and those plans have been proposed over and over again. And what thwarts those plans? It's the far left. It's President Obama and his supporters who will not allow the Republicans to usher in free market, patient-centered, doctor-patient relationship links to reform health care.‘

“Huh?” said Patch.

“Precisely,” replied Lamont, “She uses the same words as other furless critters but puts them together in a way that seems totally incomprehensible. I think the interviewer was equally confused as he continued to ask questions and got similar responses, but did not seem to expect normal responses from her.

“I have concluded she must be a new species related to other furless critters. Here are other examples of her language: 

"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." On her expertise on foreign policy being near Russia.

 "The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil." On Obamacare again.

"All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." When asked about magazines she reads.

"Well, let's see. There's ― of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ―" when asked about Supreme Court rulings she also disagreed with.

"'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!'" – a tweet she made.

"He who warned, uh, the British that they weren't gonna be takin' away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells, and um, makin' sure as he's riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed." – perhaps talking about Paul Revere.

"But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies." 

Well, you get the idea. I think perhaps she is a alien. Perhaps a Palien.”

“Sounds reasonable,” said Patch.