Cat Golf

As I wrote earlier we left the TV on all night running Castle episodes along with NPR. This resulting in Lamont thinking he was ruggedly handsome and they all became educated on public issues. Not wanting to repeat that mistake I left the TV all day and night on the Golf Channel now that the Solheim Cup is being played. (Pray for the American team.)

I firmly expected to come out to the Shackteau this morning to find it transformed into a golf course and all the cats with little golf clubs smacking drives down carpeted fairs ways, chipping onto little greens and occasionally having to chip out of the litter boxes. That didn’t happen; well, I’m not sure about the litter boxes. I guess paws just don’t lend themselves to overlapping grips on pencil clubs. So, they remain soccer players chasing the whiffle golf balls about the floor.

But think about it, a Cat Golf Tour. Most know I am a golf fanatic but in truth it is a pretty silly game whacking a little while ball with a stick with a knob on the end of it through a cow pasture onto smoother parts of the cow pasture that has a hole in a and trying to put the little white ball into that hole. It is ridiculously difficult for most mortals, somewhat akin to Jesus’ remark about shoving a camel through the eye of a needle.

I must admit I like to what women’s golf better than men’s golf. The game is more identifiable, plus women look better than men, especially in short skirts (unless your Freddie Funk.) Men’s golf today is essentially very manly guys whacking that little white ball incredible distances common mortals cannot even visualize generally into the rough where the again use enormous strength to extricate the little while ball from the equivalent of the briar patch, and then manage to make par or better. It makes no sense especially to a man of my physic who cannot even see as far as they hit the balls (this is the reason I don’t hit the ball very far, so I can find it more easily. Pipe down out there, I hear snickering.)

There is great debate in the golf world that we ought to make the golf courses more amenable to average people with reasonable amounts of time to spend. Shorter courses with less holes where it is easier to put the little white ball into the hole before we grow old and rickety.

But think of Cat golf. Cats commonly think out of the box, except when they go in the box. They could probably improve the games a lot. Why bother with sticks, they have tales, use them. My golf bag weighs about 3 tons for some reason, a tail is much lighter. Cats might make golf a contact sport tackling each other and wrestling during each hole as they compete for the ball. Another good idea, just use one ball and the first one to it gets to whip it down the cow pasture with its tale, unless another cats tackles it before it can tail whack, and perhaps they could use their noses to putt.

I think I will have to bring this up to the USGA or perhaps form the USCGA (United States Cat Golf Association.) Perhaps we should not mix the two.