Why Are You So Kind?

Gail Irwin writing on the Christian Century blog told of a Sunday where they played “Stump the pastor.” Adults and children alike wrote questions and put them in baskets to try and stump the pastor. One question from a child that didn’t they didn’t get to during the service was from a child who asked, “Why are you so kind?” This child has experience a good deal of unkindness.

She went on to talk about family and community kindness she had experienced. She particularly lifted up the kindness she had experienced in the church community. My experience reflects that as well.

Oh, I am well aware of the unkindness that also takes place in church: “You sat in my pew.” “The carpet should be red and I’ve got the bucks to make it so.” Politicking is not  a stranger in the church where folk can put their own druthers ahead of the mission and purpose of the church. But it is a group of folk who try in some ways to follow and emulate the teachings of Jesus. The stories of Jesus well illustrate his kindness especially to those who needed a little kindness in their world.

One of the joys pastors and their families enjoy when they move into a community is the immediate love and acceptance of their extended family the church. The last church I served we moved into the manse on New Years Eve in an ice storm. For the next week members of the church came with a meal all prepared for us as we settled into our new home. We had the entire congregation welcoming us into midst with love and affection. And, immediately, they opened up the intimacies of their lives to me as only happens between pastors and congregational members. We experienced kindness. It made us feel good and it also made them feel good. Oh there are churches that appreciate their pastors more than others and one third of pastors leave under duress. It is rather like a marriage when the honeymoon is over; we tend to pick out each other faults. But I’ve been fortunate to have churches that have truly loved and shown kindness to me and continue to do so even though now I am a retired old dude.

Kindness is not that difficult of thing. As a matter of fact it seems to me that it is natural. I think we have a natural inclination to be kind to each other; it is the divine spark the dwells in each of us. I also know that that kindness can be trained out of us. No child is born a bigot, but they can learn bigotry very easily from those around them. The same with kindness; kindness is some thing we naturally show our children, but we can also be mean and nasty to them. I am always amazed seeing parents in the store publicly acting towards their children as though they hate them and do things that crush their spirit. They are teaching unkindness and so a child may as someone who shows them kindness, “Why are you so kind?”

Kindness should not be a surprise to anyone. But we look at our our political leaders and see unkindness; though behind the scenes they may well indeed be kind to each other. Unfortunately we see a group, especially among recent congressional members that are well trained in unkindness and it bothers us. We also have seen some elected to the new congress that are kind and show it. Elizabeth Warren and Tammy Baldwin come to mind. One can only hope their kindness and compassion will become infectious in congress and we can move forward in concert and harmony.

Kindness is easy. When you are walking down the street or are in a store and you see someone who is frazzled and looking grumpy just give them a big smile and see what happens. The vast majority of the time you will be rewarded with a responsive smile.

The church has its problems and is struggling and its influence has diminished greatly in recent years (20% attending church regularly). My suggestion, go to a church, a synagogue, a mosque or any place of worship and bathe you in smiles.