Parenting: Goodness as happiness

The title of this blog comes from a woman named Melissa Floer-Bixer(student at Princeton Theological Seminary) which I found on the Christian Century Blog [christiancentury.org/blogs]. She opens her blog with these words: “I spent last night curled around my toddler, bowl in hand, waiting for her to wake and vomit again. She had a miserable case of food poisoning that kept us both in and out of sleep until the morning.”

And then she began to talk about a seminary friend who had asked her to “sell” him on the idea of having children. She then compares her feelings to Richard Weissbourd and education scholar at Harvard.  He writes about the self-esteem movement in parenting and believes that this is now the top value parents want and should to pass on to their children; and there are consequences to this – children’s basic morality. If you cup is filled then you can help your neighbor. There is merit in the thought.

His research shows that most children think that “being happy” is their primary goal; more important than being a good person.  The problem is that self esteem can also lead to arrogance and harm. Whereas having high self esteem and wanting to be happy are good things, it is more important to be a good person.

I think he’s right. Concern about the common good, the idea of looking out for the needs of the entire human family seems to be lost in a good deal of today’s consciousness. And as a result we have all the bickering we here in politics and religion and wherever. That was our heritage that we are in danger of losing in the present time.

I often told my parishioners to quit reading and listening to so much news which is primarily negative and combative and read their scriptures more. Then I thought they would more likely be happy and more productive. Moral character, which includes sacrifice, is a necessary component of maturity. Our society is becoming more and more childish.

I would encourage you to look up the blog mentioned at the beginning of this article, good food for thought.

Weissbourd final quote in her article:

After all, adults in previous generations didn't think that morality came from self-esteem or happiness. They commonly believed in the idea, rooted in the Bible and much of Western literature, that morality came from suffering. Moral character came from making sacrifices, fulfilling difficult obligations.